November has been a tough month. No movement. Learning that the way things have been is the new normal. Finding out that our expenses are significantly increasing. Lots to process and most of it is not good.
But in the midst of all of this, I sense God stirring something. I don't know exactly what it will all ultimately lead to, but I do sense that a change is on the horizon. God has been tugging on my heart lately to move forward with something I have been circling around for a long time. It wasn't some huge revelation. More like a series of events and promptings pointing me toward what will hopefully be a whole new, adventurous chapter. I just hope I am brave enough to do it.
It involves sharing a LOT of my story. Like, all of it. Yikes.
Last week, I had the incredible opportunity to speak at a women's event in Eufaula, Alabama. I was able to share not only our adoption story, but how God is using it to restore, redeem and beautify my life in a way that only He can. I think that night was the spark that set this new thing into motion.
So, once again, I am trying to walk and live and breathe in faith, hoping and praying that God will guide me and use me and my life and this story to bring glory to His wonderful Name.
Hoping to share more soon. Stay tuned.
Love,
Baylor
Friday, November 14, 2014
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Wait List Update: November 2014
Wow. November of 2014. I can safely say that I never thought I would be writing a waiting list post for November of 2014. It feels like it can't be real.
We got our monthly update yesterday, and there was no movement.
I have to say that I am not surprised. It seems that the more this adoption process progresses, the less progress we actually make. We received an update from our agency the other week telling us that what we are currently experiencing is the new normal and we should not be expecting anything different. Honestly, I am not quite sure what that means. It was one year ago on November 1 that we became number 29 for the very first time. Now, one year later, we have made little forward progress toward our children.
It is confusing. Hurtful. Complicated.
There is no simple solution to our problem. Believe me, I wish there was.
All we know is that God has asked us to adopt from Ethiopia, so here we are. We are waiting. And it is hard and it hurts and I don't like it. I want my children home. What we are experiencing now… I honestly did not even know this was in the realm of possibility. This is so much harder than anything I could have dreamed up on my own.
But I am trying my hardest to trust God and hang on.
Love,
Baylor
We got our monthly update yesterday, and there was no movement.
I have to say that I am not surprised. It seems that the more this adoption process progresses, the less progress we actually make. We received an update from our agency the other week telling us that what we are currently experiencing is the new normal and we should not be expecting anything different. Honestly, I am not quite sure what that means. It was one year ago on November 1 that we became number 29 for the very first time. Now, one year later, we have made little forward progress toward our children.
It is confusing. Hurtful. Complicated.
There is no simple solution to our problem. Believe me, I wish there was.
All we know is that God has asked us to adopt from Ethiopia, so here we are. We are waiting. And it is hard and it hurts and I don't like it. I want my children home. What we are experiencing now… I honestly did not even know this was in the realm of possibility. This is so much harder than anything I could have dreamed up on my own.
But I am trying my hardest to trust God and hang on.
Love,
Baylor
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Deep Well Women
Do you have deep well women in your life? Women who fill you up just by being there?
God has blessed me with many deep well women. They are my mentors, my friends. They are women I love, women I respect, women I admire. They are women whose wells are deep and full of love to give. They are women God has given me to help me wade through the waters of this adoption process. And I love each and every one of them so much.
My mom. Oh, my mom. I have never known another woman like her. She is resolved, steadfast and immovable. She is determined and faithful. She knows God. And she knows that she knows Him. She is responsible for so much of who I am today. She has refused to give up on me. She has continued to encourage me and challenge me. She loves me and she dares me to live the life God has laid before me. She points me back to Jesus at every.single.turn. She will not back down. She is a fighter, a warrior. And I am honored, grateful, humbled to have her on my team.
My sister. She is THERE. She is with me. She hurts and grieves and rages right alongside me. She is the single most fiercely loyal person I have EVER known. She will fight, knock down and drag out fight, to protect the people she loves. And I am blessed enough to be one of those. She lets me be who I am with no fear of judgment. She reminds me that it is OK to be angry and hurt. She points me to the goodness God has showered upon me, even in this season of trial. I could not do this without her.
JoAnne. What was the Lord thinking when He gifted me with this woman for a mother-in-law? He out-did Himself. I love her deeply and truly. Not only has she raised the single most incredible man I know, but she has loved me and welcomed me into her family with open arms and an open heart. She is an shining example of God's grace and goodness. She loves unconditionally and trusts in the Lord for all things. She believes in His promises with an unwavering faith and handles trials with unfathomable dignity.
Betty. She is the refresher of my soul on this earth. She fills my cup when it is empty. She lets me let down my armor and hurt in front her. She reminds me that God is here, right here with me. That He loves me. She encourages me and reminds me that it is OK to be human and to FEEL. She prays for me and loves me. She mentors me. And I admire her more than I can explain to you.
I have so many more deep well women in my life, and I will write about them soon. But I want to hear about your deep well women. Who are the women who love you and inspire you? Who are the women who carry you when you can't bear to walk another step? Tell me about them. A woman's heart is such a unique and special thing, and I want to honor it. So send me an email (bay.knott@gmail.com) about your deep well woman, and I will share it to thank her for who she is in your life. Let's link arms and honor these precious women and the love they have poured into us.
Love,
Baylor
God has blessed me with many deep well women. They are my mentors, my friends. They are women I love, women I respect, women I admire. They are women whose wells are deep and full of love to give. They are women God has given me to help me wade through the waters of this adoption process. And I love each and every one of them so much.
My mom. Oh, my mom. I have never known another woman like her. She is resolved, steadfast and immovable. She is determined and faithful. She knows God. And she knows that she knows Him. She is responsible for so much of who I am today. She has refused to give up on me. She has continued to encourage me and challenge me. She loves me and she dares me to live the life God has laid before me. She points me back to Jesus at every.single.turn. She will not back down. She is a fighter, a warrior. And I am honored, grateful, humbled to have her on my team.
My sister. She is THERE. She is with me. She hurts and grieves and rages right alongside me. She is the single most fiercely loyal person I have EVER known. She will fight, knock down and drag out fight, to protect the people she loves. And I am blessed enough to be one of those. She lets me be who I am with no fear of judgment. She reminds me that it is OK to be angry and hurt. She points me to the goodness God has showered upon me, even in this season of trial. I could not do this without her.
JoAnne. What was the Lord thinking when He gifted me with this woman for a mother-in-law? He out-did Himself. I love her deeply and truly. Not only has she raised the single most incredible man I know, but she has loved me and welcomed me into her family with open arms and an open heart. She is an shining example of God's grace and goodness. She loves unconditionally and trusts in the Lord for all things. She believes in His promises with an unwavering faith and handles trials with unfathomable dignity.
Betty. She is the refresher of my soul on this earth. She fills my cup when it is empty. She lets me let down my armor and hurt in front her. She reminds me that God is here, right here with me. That He loves me. She encourages me and reminds me that it is OK to be human and to FEEL. She prays for me and loves me. She mentors me. And I admire her more than I can explain to you.
I have so many more deep well women in my life, and I will write about them soon. But I want to hear about your deep well women. Who are the women who love you and inspire you? Who are the women who carry you when you can't bear to walk another step? Tell me about them. A woman's heart is such a unique and special thing, and I want to honor it. So send me an email (bay.knott@gmail.com) about your deep well woman, and I will share it to thank her for who she is in your life. Let's link arms and honor these precious women and the love they have poured into us.
Love,
Baylor
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Weekend Escape
The Knotts LOVE to camp. And this past weekend, we got to do just that. Adam and I packed up the car and the pup and headed out to Cheaha State park to spend the weekend in the wild with each other and our precious Daisy girl. It was so wonderful to get out and away and just enjoy being out in the woods with each other.
We started out by hiking out to Pulpit Lookout to catch the sunset.
Snapped this one of my best fella just soaking up God's creation.
The view is absolutely breathtaking.
My two favorites in the whole, wide world.
And some love from my best gal.
She loves being out in the woods as much as we do.
And she brings so much joy to my heart.
Family photo!
The sunset was quite worth the hike.
Wow.
Back at the campsite...
With the Knott family camping staples: root beer and fire.
Early morning fire and some breakfast with these two.
Staying toasty warm!
And a morning hike to finish out the trip!
Exploring.
Taking it all in.
Good for the soul.
I am so thankful for time away with my two greatest loves and the chance to enjoy God's beautiful creation, deep conversation and quiet peace.
Love,
Baylor
Monday, October 27, 2014
Trusting God with Your Impossible
Sometimes God asks big things of us. He asks us to let go of what we want, what we have always envisioned, what we think we deserve. He asks us if we really trust Him, if we really believe that He is sovereign AND good.
And when God does this, when He asks something big, it can feel like He is asking us to do the impossible. Asking us to do something that feels so completely beyond our capabilities that there is NO WAY it can be done. But that is where God shows up. For Him, our impossible is easy.
This is where I find myself. Day after day. Minute after minute.
For me, the impossible in this life is bringing our children home from Ethiopia. As the days pass, it feels like they get farther and farther away, it feels like we will always be waiting and never be parents. Month after month goes by with no news, and we are asked to wait. We are asked to trust. We are asked to believe.
We, like Peter, are asked to get out of the boat and walk across the sea. We are asked to do this impossible thing. To walk on water.
And we can only do it if we keep our eyes on Jesus. Much like Peter, I find myself often focusing on the storm raging around me. Focusing on everything else. On the ever-lengthening process, on the lack of information, on the timeline, on people telling us to try something else. On my sadness, on my fear, on my doubt, on my anger. I see all of these distractions, and they threaten to overtake me, to swallow me up.
And I know I have to look at Jesus.
But everything else is screaming for my attention. And Jesus is asking for it.
Everything else is raging around me, and He is quietly asking me to trust Him.
So I'm trying. I'm trying to look at Him. I'm trying ignore the crashing waves and the howling wind and the deafening thunder. And I am trying to look at the One who told me that I could walk on water, the One who told me that, through Him, I could do the impossible.
If I would just trust Him with it.
So I don't know what your impossible is. Waiting for a spouse? Struggling with a wayward child? Or, like me, are you waiting to become a parent and it just doesn't seem to be happening for you? Whatever it is, you can trust Him with it. There will be dark days, maybe lots of them Today was one for me. One that left me feeling alone and scared and angry and hurt. But even in that, He is there. He is our Jehovah Shammah, and He can be trusted with our impossible.
And when God does this, when He asks something big, it can feel like He is asking us to do the impossible. Asking us to do something that feels so completely beyond our capabilities that there is NO WAY it can be done. But that is where God shows up. For Him, our impossible is easy.
This is where I find myself. Day after day. Minute after minute.
For me, the impossible in this life is bringing our children home from Ethiopia. As the days pass, it feels like they get farther and farther away, it feels like we will always be waiting and never be parents. Month after month goes by with no news, and we are asked to wait. We are asked to trust. We are asked to believe.
We, like Peter, are asked to get out of the boat and walk across the sea. We are asked to do this impossible thing. To walk on water.
And we can only do it if we keep our eyes on Jesus. Much like Peter, I find myself often focusing on the storm raging around me. Focusing on everything else. On the ever-lengthening process, on the lack of information, on the timeline, on people telling us to try something else. On my sadness, on my fear, on my doubt, on my anger. I see all of these distractions, and they threaten to overtake me, to swallow me up.
And I know I have to look at Jesus.
But everything else is screaming for my attention. And Jesus is asking for it.
Everything else is raging around me, and He is quietly asking me to trust Him.
So I'm trying. I'm trying to look at Him. I'm trying ignore the crashing waves and the howling wind and the deafening thunder. And I am trying to look at the One who told me that I could walk on water, the One who told me that, through Him, I could do the impossible.
If I would just trust Him with it.
So I don't know what your impossible is. Waiting for a spouse? Struggling with a wayward child? Or, like me, are you waiting to become a parent and it just doesn't seem to be happening for you? Whatever it is, you can trust Him with it. There will be dark days, maybe lots of them Today was one for me. One that left me feeling alone and scared and angry and hurt. But even in that, He is there. He is our Jehovah Shammah, and He can be trusted with our impossible.
“Come,” he (Jesus) said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat,
walked on the water and came toward Jesus."
Matthew 14:29
Love,
Baylor
Friday, October 10, 2014
Thirty Months
Can you imagine being thirty months pregnant? Thirty months waiting for the one you love to finally make his/her grand entrance into your life and change your world forever? Guess who can imagine?
This girl.
Today marks thirty MONTHS since we started the adoption process to bring our little darlings home. Thirty months of hoping and praying every day that the waiting will be over and that our world will be rocked by arrival of our children. Thirty months of love growing in my heart for little faces and hearts and souls I do not yet know.
Most of me cannot believe it has been this long. My friend, Laura Catherine, and I often talk about that fact. We really just can't believe it. And I'll be honest with you, there are days when I feel like this is all we will ever do. Days when I feel like we will always be adoptING. And I am so ready to have adoptED. I'm ready for the adoption to be over and for us to have our darlings home with us.
I'm thirty months ready.
So I hopped over to Psalm thirty, looking for some encouragement on this unfathomable day. I recommend reading the whole chapter, but the last three verses are for me today.
This girl.
Today marks thirty MONTHS since we started the adoption process to bring our little darlings home. Thirty months of hoping and praying every day that the waiting will be over and that our world will be rocked by arrival of our children. Thirty months of love growing in my heart for little faces and hearts and souls I do not yet know.
Most of me cannot believe it has been this long. My friend, Laura Catherine, and I often talk about that fact. We really just can't believe it. And I'll be honest with you, there are days when I feel like this is all we will ever do. Days when I feel like we will always be adoptING. And I am so ready to have adoptED. I'm ready for the adoption to be over and for us to have our darlings home with us.
I'm thirty months ready.
So I hopped over to Psalm thirty, looking for some encouragement on this unfathomable day. I recommend reading the whole chapter, but the last three verses are for me today.
Hear, Lord,
and be merciful to me;
Lord, be my help.”
You turned my
wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart
may sing your praises and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will praise you
forever.
Psalm 30:10-12
Love,
Baylor
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Isaiah 61
I mentioned in my October update post that I am working on memorizing Isaiah 61. It is one of my favorite chapters in all of Scripture. I love the hope it brings, the redemption it promises and the goodness of God that it calls to mind. And on top of all of that, it is oh so beautifully written. The English teacher in me loves the imagery and the figurative language.
The
Year of the Lord’s Favor
The
Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to
the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for
the captives
and release from
darkness for the prisoners,
to
proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort
all who mourn,
and provide for those
who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the
oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and
a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of
despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his
splendor.
They
will rebuild the ancient ruins
and
restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been
devastated for generations.
Strangers
will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners
will work your fields and vineyards.
And
you will be called priests of the Lord,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will
feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.
Instead
of your shame
you will receive a
double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you
will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will
be yours.
“For I, the Lord, love justice;
I hate robbery and
wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
and make an everlasting
covenant with them.
Their
descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who
see them will acknowledge
that they are a people
the Lord has blessed.”
I
delight greatly in the Lord;
my
soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe
of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns
herself with her jewels.
For
as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the
Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
and praise spring up before all nations.
Isaiah 61
There is so much to love about this chapter. It is so full of hope, and that is something I need in my life right now. At church this past Sunday, one of our pastors was talking about what hope means in the Bible versus what it means in the world. In the world, hope is something we want to happen, something we wish for. In the Bible, hope is a promise. Our hope is that God is who He says He is. That is a promise based in the sound goodness of His character, and His character is love.
So, over the coming weeks and months, I am working on memorizing the entire chapter. While I have always loved Isaiah 61, I can't take credit for this idea. Over coffee with my cousin, Jennifer, she brought up that she had been praying this chapter over her family and mine, asking that this would be the year of the Lord's favor in our lives. I love that. And so I decided that it would be a good idea to commit the whole chapter to memory, to hide it in my heart so that on the days I am really struggling, I can remind myself right away of the HOPE God promises.
The promise that one day I will…
Receive a crown of beauty for my ashes,
The oil of joy for my mourning,
And a garment of praise for my spirit of despair.
Be called an oak of righteousness
And be a planting of the Lord for the display of HIS splendor.
I need these reminders as we walk the path the Lord has laid out for us. It is far too easy to walk in the company of doubt and fear, to keep the company of sorrow and shame.
And I want to let these things go, and instead be found in glory of the Lord and let my heart rest in the HOPE He brings.
My goal is to have it memorized by the end of the year. So if you see me, quiz me.
Love,
Baylor
So, over the coming weeks and months, I am working on memorizing the entire chapter. While I have always loved Isaiah 61, I can't take credit for this idea. Over coffee with my cousin, Jennifer, she brought up that she had been praying this chapter over her family and mine, asking that this would be the year of the Lord's favor in our lives. I love that. And so I decided that it would be a good idea to commit the whole chapter to memory, to hide it in my heart so that on the days I am really struggling, I can remind myself right away of the HOPE God promises.
The promise that one day I will…
Receive a crown of beauty for my ashes,
The oil of joy for my mourning,
And a garment of praise for my spirit of despair.
Be called an oak of righteousness
And be a planting of the Lord for the display of HIS splendor.
I need these reminders as we walk the path the Lord has laid out for us. It is far too easy to walk in the company of doubt and fear, to keep the company of sorrow and shame.
And I want to let these things go, and instead be found in glory of the Lord and let my heart rest in the HOPE He brings.
My goal is to have it memorized by the end of the year. So if you see me, quiz me.
Love,
Baylor
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