It feels impossible that we first met our sweet Lucy one month ago today. So much has happened in that small, small amount of time. We have watched, in awe, as she has transformed before our very eyes. She is just so different from the frightened little girl we met in that government office on July 25. I can tell you exactly who I credit for this dramatic transformation.
1. God Almighty. The work I have seen in my daughter's heart over the course of the last month can only be explained by Divine intervention. Truly. It is almost like the Lord has rewired her heart for our family. She is comforted by us, wants to play with us, laughs with us and looks for opportunities to be silly with us. Her personality is coming out more and more; and she fits with us perfectly.
2. Bradley and Asher. These two kids of mine have been incredible with their new sister. I will be completely transparent and tell you that I was straight up terrified to bring Lucy home to two siblings. I thought it would be a jealousy-driven battle for the ages. I envisioned pushing, biting, screaming and tantrums galore from all three of them. BUT IT HAS NOT HAPPENED. Yes, there have been moments of tension and--ahem--heated disagreement. But on the whole, Bradley and Asher have welcomed Lucy with wide open arms and hearts. They invite her to play their make-believe games, they share their toys, they include her. They make her feel safe. It is so beautiful. More than anything else, this is what brings me to tears: watching all three of my non-related, we-look-nothing-alike, but we-love-each-other-fiercely kids.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. God has worked a miracle in our family. I mean it.
Think about it for a second. Imagine a toddler or preschooler that you know. A child who is not your son or daughter. Maybe a friend's kid. Now imagine going up to that kid and saying, "Ok. I'm your mom now." And then bringing that child to your home and convincing him that you are, in fact, his mom for the rest of time. That is essentially what we are doing. We have adopted Lucy, and we are now in the process of convincing her that we are her family, that we are forever, that she can trust us and even love us. It is holy work that cannot be done apart from God's grace. It is hard work that lasts a lifetime. It is worthy work to fight for my child's heart.
I know it can be done. I have seen God do it before in the heart of my son. During the tough moments, I look at Bradley, and I remember how far the Lord has brought us. How much the Lord has changed all of our hearts. How deeply the Lord loves our family. And how faithful the Lord is to those whom He calls.
I love you, Lucy, and I am so thankful that we belong to each other.
With love,
Baylor
Wednesday, July 25, 2018
Monday, July 16, 2018
Three Weeks Together
Where to even begin? Three weeks ago today, our daughter was placed in our arms for the very first time. It was a day of profound emotions for all of us. Her most of all. It was a day we had longed and prayed for. A day we had begged for. The morning leading up to meeting her left me a total and complete wreck. My warring emotions nearly left me paralyzed as I swayed back and forth between excitement and fear, relief and sadness. Three weeks ago, I sat in our hotel room on the other side of the planet with tears running down my face, knowing that we were about to begin this incredible journey, and--having done it once before--appreciating more fully all of the joy and the deep, deep heartache that would now be woven into the fabric of our family.
You've heard me say before that adoption is born from loss. No words are more true. Lucy is ours, not because everything in her life was going beautifully, but because this world is terribly broken. She came to out of tragedy. Sometimes, people tell me that she is so lucky to have us. I disagree. She's not lucky.
But we are. We are the ones who get the joy of, not just knowing her, but parenting her. I don't only get to have a relationship with her, I get to have what is arguably THE MOST IMPORTANT relationship with her. I get to be her mother. I get to curate her life. I get to become her inner voice. I get to introduce her to the world, more importantly, I get to introduce her to Jesus Christ. I get to tell her that she is CHOSEN and LOVED by the Creator of all that exists.
And I get to protect her. I get to protect her heart and her story. I get to tell her over and over again how precious and cherished she is.
So there is this struggle for me. What do I share? When we brought Bradley home, the imminent arrival of his baby sister resolved the issue for me. I had almost no time to write, so not much got shared just out of default. I certainly don't have more time now, but I want to make use of the precious little time I do have. That's why I'm sitting on the floor of my room, in the dark, typing this while Lucy naps right next to me. I want to use the time I have to document the incredible miracles God is working in the life of this family I call my own.
Three weeks ago, we were holding a beautiful little girl who was a complete stranger to us. She was terrified. And rightly so. Her nanny handed her to me, and then baby girl did not let go for the remainder of the day. Alternating between crying and staring, she hung on to me. Those first hours and days are are something I will never forget. They will serve as a constant reminder of where we have started and how far the Lord has brought us.
Even today, I watch this silly, smiley girl toddle around my living room, and I am in awe. She loves to laugh and hug her dolls. She loves to snatch books out of my hands. She loves to follow her brother and sister around. And she really loves her dog. The precious child sleeping in my room has covered MILES--literal and figurative--in just three short weeks.
The Lord Almighty has worked a true miracle right before my eyes. This little girl who sobbed at the sight and sound of her dad three weeks ago, now follows him when he leaves the room. Adam spent our first week in China hiding in the bathroom so that she could play and bond with me without being afraid of him. Now, he is lucky to go to the bathroom alone because she is his constant shadow. God has answered our deepest prayer by softening her heart toward us, and it has been astounding to see.
Adoption is not rosy. It is not just adorable pictures and airport celebrations. It is a lifetime of small victories and a daily effort to hand parenting over to God. It is a constant, in-your-face reminder of God's unwavering, unfailing, redemptive love. It is an invitation to watch Him do the impossible in your own home.
You've heard me say before that adoption is born from loss. No words are more true. Lucy is ours, not because everything in her life was going beautifully, but because this world is terribly broken. She came to out of tragedy. Sometimes, people tell me that she is so lucky to have us. I disagree. She's not lucky.
But we are. We are the ones who get the joy of, not just knowing her, but parenting her. I don't only get to have a relationship with her, I get to have what is arguably THE MOST IMPORTANT relationship with her. I get to be her mother. I get to curate her life. I get to become her inner voice. I get to introduce her to the world, more importantly, I get to introduce her to Jesus Christ. I get to tell her that she is CHOSEN and LOVED by the Creator of all that exists.
And I get to protect her. I get to protect her heart and her story. I get to tell her over and over again how precious and cherished she is.
So there is this struggle for me. What do I share? When we brought Bradley home, the imminent arrival of his baby sister resolved the issue for me. I had almost no time to write, so not much got shared just out of default. I certainly don't have more time now, but I want to make use of the precious little time I do have. That's why I'm sitting on the floor of my room, in the dark, typing this while Lucy naps right next to me. I want to use the time I have to document the incredible miracles God is working in the life of this family I call my own.
Three weeks ago, we were holding a beautiful little girl who was a complete stranger to us. She was terrified. And rightly so. Her nanny handed her to me, and then baby girl did not let go for the remainder of the day. Alternating between crying and staring, she hung on to me. Those first hours and days are are something I will never forget. They will serve as a constant reminder of where we have started and how far the Lord has brought us.
Even today, I watch this silly, smiley girl toddle around my living room, and I am in awe. She loves to laugh and hug her dolls. She loves to snatch books out of my hands. She loves to follow her brother and sister around. And she really loves her dog. The precious child sleeping in my room has covered MILES--literal and figurative--in just three short weeks.
The Lord Almighty has worked a true miracle right before my eyes. This little girl who sobbed at the sight and sound of her dad three weeks ago, now follows him when he leaves the room. Adam spent our first week in China hiding in the bathroom so that she could play and bond with me without being afraid of him. Now, he is lucky to go to the bathroom alone because she is his constant shadow. God has answered our deepest prayer by softening her heart toward us, and it has been astounding to see.
Adoption is not rosy. It is not just adorable pictures and airport celebrations. It is a lifetime of small victories and a daily effort to hand parenting over to God. It is a constant, in-your-face reminder of God's unwavering, unfailing, redemptive love. It is an invitation to watch Him do the impossible in your own home.
With love,
Baylor
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