Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Just Flying By! A Say What? Post

I have to start this one out by saying that today's Say What? is not something that EVER makes me upset or angry. Not at all! This is one of those things that makes me laugh and serves as a reminder that there is life outside of the adoption (something I tend to forget). My hope in today's post is to provide a little bit of the perspective of the waiting mom while reminding myself that there is a great big world out there where other things happen. So, without further ado, here we go.

Now that we are officially in the 20s (insert mega sigh of relief), I have been getting a few remarks like this:

-"This adoption is just flying by!"

-"It seems like you just got on the waiting list yesterday!"

-"Wow! This is all happening so fast!"

I appreciate these comments so much, because it shows me that people are hanging in there with us, still keeping up with our journey and supporting us. Your support is truly carrying us through this very trying time. Thank you for that.

But on the other side of that, I have to say that this adoption is not flying by. We didn't get on the waiting list yesterday. And it isn't happening fast.

Still, I can relate to the people who feel that way. I have felt that way about things that have happened to other people, things I am not directly involved in. Like friends having babies or looking for a new job or waiting to buy a house. In the past, I have always said things like, "That went pretty quickly!" or, "Wow! That happened so fast!"

Never again.

It might seem fast to me. But I am on the outside. I am not the one living it every day. That makes a difference. A BIG one.

When it comes to our adoption, it seems to be anything but fast. Days drag on. Sometimes I feel like I am literally having to claw my way from one day to the next. Every single day for the last one year, seven months and two days, I have thought about our children. I have wondered where they are, what they look like, how old they are, if they are safe, if they are hungry, if they are alone, if they are scared, if they are being loved. I have wondered how much longer we will have to wait, how much longer I can take this, how much of their lives we will miss. I have begged God to bring them home now, pleaded that He care for them in the meantime.

These are the thoughts that race through my mind each day. Every day. Sometimes without stopping.

So for me, the last year, seven months and two days have not flown by. For me, they seem endless.

And it is that way because this is my life. This adoption is what God has in front of us right now, and so we live it every day. It is deeply personal for us. These are our children, and each day apart from them is almost too much to bear.

So please keep on asking us how it is going. We love to talk about it and share what God is doing. Please be excited with us that we are in the 20s and that we are getting closer. We need those reminders from you. They are gifts to us, reinforcing the truth that we are not alone in this. And at the same time, know that this has been and will continue to be a long process. There is a whole lot of waiting involved. And while it may not look like it from the outside, this is so hard for us (for all waiting parents), and we feel it every single day.

Hopefully the rest of this really will fly by and we can get those babies home soon!


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