Sunday, June 7, 2015

The Questions

So we leave this week {THIS WEEK} to go to Ethiopia and meet our son {OUR SON} for the very first time. Ummmm.... Is this real? Over the last couple of weeks I have started to make preparations: laying out clothes, making sure we have the right documents, finding our passports, hugging Daisy a lot, sitting in Bradley's room staring at the wall, crying. You know. The essentials.

And as we have drawn ever closer to our travel date, I have been getting some questions:

-How are you feeling?
-What are you thinking?
-Can you believe it?
-Are you ready?
-Are you packed?
-What are you most excited about?
-What are you most scared of?

All very legitimate questions. So I thought I would try to take some time to answer them here.

1. How are you feeling?

You with me? This is one of those times when I feel so overwhelmed that the best course of action seems to be to sit down and read a book. A whole one. In one day. Like I did yesterday. 

2. What are you thinking? 

There are just so many things to think about. Logistical things. Emotional things. Spiritual things. Physical things. Legal things. Safety things. Tear your heart out things. It's finally happening things. Swept away by joy things. Mom things. Will he like me things. 

3. Can you believe it? 

I really can't. Really. I have wanted to be a mom for so long. Years. Lots of them. And it is finally happening. In a few days we will fly to the other side of the world and meet a boy who has held our hearts for years. And he doesn't even know it. We have prayed for him, cried for him, hoped for him, fought for him. And he has no idea who we are. We have filled out every form under the sun, proved to two governments on two different continents that we are fit to be parents. We have waited and waited and waited. And now, we get to hold our boy. We get to go to court, stand before a judge, and say "Yes. We choose him. We understand all that this means and we know it can never be undone. Yes. We want him. We will want him forever." 
No, I can't believe it. 

4. Are you ready? 


5. Are you packed? 

Ummmm...No. Soon though, I think! Packing has taken over the guest room with outfits laid out together, snacks for the flight and travel sized everything. 
My goal is to be packed before we leave for the airport. 
I feel good about it. 

6. What are you most excited about?

All of it. But two things more than the others. First, I cannot wait to hold my son {MY SON}. My arms and heart have ached for so long because this piece has been missing. And in less than a week, I will know what it is like to hold my own child. I can't believe it's real. Secondly, I am so excited for court. Once we do that, our adoption decree is issued, and it is FINAL. He is legally ours. On paper. Done. 
Also, at that point I can finally share his beautiful face with all of YOU! 

7. What are you most scared of? 

This is a tough question, but also a REALLY good one. Again, there are two things. First, I'm afraid that Bradley might not like me. I know that sounds super lame. He's a baby. BUT I have FALLEN IN LOVE with this boy, and (as I mentioned before) he does not know who I am. So that makes me nervous. The second thing is the big one. I am terrified of leaving him. The idea alone if ripping me apart. I cannot imagine meeting my son and then having to leave him, even just for a few weeks. I am praying that by some miracle, I will not have to. That I will be allowed to stay and spend time with my boy, but I just don't know. So if you feel like praying and want to add that to your list, I would be most grateful. 

So those are the questions I have been getting lately! Some silly and some pretty serious, but all good ones! Do you have any others? I'd love to answer them. But for now, I need to get back to wrangling our suitcases.

Much love,

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