As our adoption process/journey rolls along, I realize more and more that while this whole thing will ultimately lead us to our precious bebecito (as Adam calls our little one), God is also using this time to do some serious work on my heart. I can be incredibly stubborn, and I really, really, really like to do things my way and on my schedule. Probably why I became a teacher. Adoption, however, does not happen on any human being's schedule. If you are like me, then the whole thing probably just doesn't even make sense to you. I mean, I know that there are over five million orphans in Ethiopia ALONE. And I know that we are number 86 on a waiting list. Five million? Eighty six? Ummm...why do we have to wait AT ALL? It can be so unbelievably frustrating. So the question then becomes: How do I not go absolutely insane while we wait? It is a valid question, I think. And here is the answer (or at least what God has revealed to me so far).
God is good. Sounds annoying simple, right? It is one of those things that church folk say all the time, and, if we let it, it can become a cliche in our minds. HOWEVER, God is using this time in our lives to remind me that He is good. And in a way that is far deeper than just a catch phrase. God is teaching me who He is and how He operates. Think about the person you respect and admire most in the world, someone who is just a good person. Someone whose judgment you absolutely trust. Someone who you can depend on in crisis. Someone who celebrates life's victories with you. Someone who mourns life's losses right alongside you. Got someone in mind? I do. What God has been teaching me is that the person I have in mind is a fraction of what He is. What I mean is that God's character is wholly and purely good. He only does good things. That does not mean that we have to understand them right away, or even ever. But it does mean that if we trust God's character, then we can trust His plan for our lives.
This wonderful truth is the only thing that keeps me from going absolutely nuts when I think about how our adoption might play out. How can I wait months and months to bring our child home? Because I know God's character. How can I live with the fact that our sweet little one will spend the first months of his or her life in an orphanage half way around the world? Because I know God's character? How can I keep from going crazy when I sometimes feel like motherhood is just passing me by? Because I know God's character.
Don't get me wrong. I am not singing my own praises here. There are a LOT of days when I am frustrated and sad and angry. BUT through all of this, the Lord is teaching me more and more each day that I can trust in what He is doing, because I know His character. And it has gotten easier over the last few weeks. Not all the time. But more than months past.
So, I hope you know Him. I hope you know or are getting to know His character. He and His love are wider and deeper than we will ever be able to understand, but the good news there is that He will always have more love and grace to pour out on His children. And if you are like me, then you need all the love and grace you can get! Give Him your trust; He will NOT disappoint you.
"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." Psalm 20:7