Today did not start off well. It was one of those days when I was terribly sad but could not locate the trigger of my sadness. I guess I just started thinking about how verrrrry far away we are from being parents, and then things kind of spiraled out of control from there. The pity party ended with me crying on the phone with my dad while hiding in the gardening section of Walmart, hoping to avoid human contact of any kind.
Not my most glamorous moment to date.
But I just couldn't help it.
The path that the Lord has us on right now is one full of obstacles, seemingly insurmountable obstacles. And I am often left feeling helpless, lost and alone. Each day is a battle. I don't say that to sound cliche or invite pity from you. I just want you to know that what makes it onto this forum is a literal fraction of what transpires in our lives. I want to let you in on the hardships, in on the ugly. But I don't want to send you running for the hills.
Our future children are on my mind almost every single second that I am conscious. In fact, if I am not actively engaged in a conversation with another human being, then I am thinking about and praying for our kids. I cannot get away from it. Not for a minute. I don't mean to be melodramatic. This is the truth. Waiting for our kids has been the most in-my-face, never-let-me-go experience of my life. I can't turn it off.
Sometimes it is a wonderful thing.
And other times I end up crying in the gardening section of Walmart.
So, all of that to say that today started out as a difficult day.
And I was starting to get upset with God. After all, we are trying to follow the path He laid out for us. That means it should be easier, right? That means I shouldn't feel so tired, alone, confused, right? And I was telling Him this, being honest about my frustrations and my hurt and how sometimes it feels like He doesn't answer.
And then He does something like this...
You read that right.
Eight MORE families were matched with their kids over ONE WEEKEND.
Raise your hand if you started crying right then and there. Oh, am I the only one with my hand up? Yeah. I burst into tears.
He is faithful. He is here with me. He is there with you. Even when all seems lost. He will uphold you. He will provide for you. He will do a might work in your life in such a way that He alone gets the glory.
And it is only the 9th of the month, people. Praying for more and more movement. This lady wants to see her babies' beautiful faces pronto.
"Look at the nations and watch--and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."