Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Waiting List Number: December 2013

I know I am late getting this most recent update out there. Unfortunately, it is not really an update. We got our monthly email on Monday, and we have not moved up on the waiting list at all. There were no referrals during the month of November. I kind of anticipated it, but it still snatched the breath out of me. Sitting here, typing this, I really cannot believe it.

We have moved three spots in the last four months.

It is heart wrenching. 

I texted my dad on Monday and told him the news and that I wanted to just disappear for a while. And he said one of very few things that will make me stay and wait as long as I have to, no matter how much it hurts. 

"Don't lose hope, honey. You just can't. It's too important when a life or lives are at stake."

There are times when I want to walk away. Times when I want to crawl into a hole and just wait for this to be over. Times when I just want to be far, far away. This week has been one of them. But I can't.  I can't walk away. I can't hide. I can't disappear.

As much as I am hurting, deeply and profoundly hurting, my children are waiting. They are hurting. They are without a family. And if I walk away, I walk away from THEM, not just from the hurt. I walk away from the story God is writing. A story that I admittedly want to move faster, but a story He wrote just for us. I know there is good in it. I know. It just doesn't feel that way right now.

Right now it feels like pain, loneliness, confusion and hurt.

I am trying to pray that I can somehow hang on to God in this. And I am more grateful than ever before that He is hanging on to me, too. He is here. He is here.

Please pray with us that this season of almost no movement is over. One woman in our Facebook group said that she is praying for twenty referrals this month. I think I might join her in that. I know it is outrageous, and, especially after these last few months, it seems impossible. But I am going to try to take a leap of faith, and I would love for you to join me. 

"The people walking in darkness
    have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness
    a light has dawned."
Isaiah 9:2


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