Friday, May 2, 2014

After Pausing to Take a Breath

Yesterday I just wanted to get our good news out there.

An "AHHH! There it is!" kind of thing. Too excited to type a long post explaining to you exactly why the timing of all of this is so, so good. God's kind of good. The best kind of good.

But after pausing to take a breath, I want to share some if God's goodness with you. 

This week had been particularly difficult. I am not sure why, but things were just HARD. There is a lot going on right now that is just difficult to process and deal with (mainly trying to reconcile a good, gracious and loving God with everything we are going through, but that is another post for another day), and all of that had left me feeling sad pretty much all day every day. 

And I knew that May 1 was coming. The first of each month used to bring such excitement for me, as I would wait to see how many spots we had moved up on the list. I would excitedly refresh my email, just waiting for the good news that we were getting closer to our babies. And then November happened. We stopped moving. And we hadn't moved since. 

Month after month crawled by, and we would wait to see not how much we moved, but if we moved at all. And we didn't. November. December. January. February. March. April. Silence.

We did not moved an inch. 

Until May. 

I knew that three referrals had gone out in May. Our agency announced it, and I knew for sure that one of them was a family ahead of us on the waiting list. And I was overjoyed. FINALLY. Something was moving in Ethiopia. We even heard of a few families getting court and travel dates. Remember that little boy we prayed about adopting off the waiting list, who then was matched with my friend? They got travel clearance. All of this was good news, and I was so happy. 

But then yesterday morning, my old friends, Fear and Doubt, showed up. I wanted so badly to move all three spots, but I just didn't know if we would. And I knew that I should be happy and grateful for even ONE spot of movement after so much stagnancy, but I wanted more. Fear and Doubt we're assailing me at every turn, telling me that we would always be waiting. I hate those guys. 

For those who do not know, I am a middle school teacher. This week is standardized testing week at my school. Oy. So my kiddos took their test yesterday. That meant that for the entire day I was walking around monitoring them. No grading. No planning. No internet (read: No obsessively refreshing my email.). No anything. So that left me with a lot of time to think and PRAY. And I did. I begged God to move us. I prayed that in the wake of six months of silence, He would bring a trumpet blast of good news to these waiting families. 

Guess what He did? He reminded me, yet again, of who He is and what He is capable of.

"Do not be afraid for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west." 
Isaiah 43:5

And so my soul was uplifted this week. I was reminded that God does see us right where we are. Even we we feel like He doesn't. The Lord brought us good news, and we are praying this is just the trickle that will be followed by a gush. A drenching rain following a drought. 


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