Swirling

Gah! So, so much swirling around in my mind. There is my day job (teaching middle school of all things!), my night job (Noonday Ambassador with spring launch right around the corner), my house being in constant chaos over the last two months of renovations (with more to come!), oh and my son living on the other side of the planet (oh, right...that).

I think I have reached my peak for stress intake.

God has been so, so good in my life. Always. But especially in the last few months. He has provided at every turn. Yes, there have been ROUGH times. But He has been there. And in that, He has been revealing Himself to me.

Still, in some moments, like tonight, I feel myself getting very overwhelmed and wanting to just crawl into a hole and cry. For a really long time.

There is just so much. So much unknown. So much to fear. So much to worry about. I can, in a very real way, feel it rising up inside me. And sometimes, if I am being totally honest, I feel like I am going to be swallowed up.

I know I won't be. I know God is greater. I know He is real and here and sovereign. I know that He is watching my son with an unwavering eye. And I know I can trust Him to care for Bradley during this in between time.

BUT OH MY WORD IT IS HARD TO DO!

Relinquishing control, COMPLETE CONTROL, of someone you love so deeply to someone else. I would not do it for anyone else but God.

And I am trying to bring myself back to this place of unwavering trust and solid assurance. But I feel like my feet are on shifting sand. Even when little things happen, tiny things that are unrelated to our adoption, I feel myself overreacting. And I know it stems from the EXTREME amount of stress I have been under for almost three full years.

Still. Even in this. God is here and He is real. I just have to remember that. Remember it and live by it.

Breathing in and out over here. Feel free to join me.

Love,
Baylor