And I hate it.
I hate feeling like God has forgotten us, not only because it is a miserable way to feel, but (mostly) because it spotlights my lack of faith, which makes me feel worse.
Well, tonight was one of those nights. And as I was praying, I told God that. I told Him that I sometimes feel forgotten. It was a hard sentence to say out loud, and I am grateful that no one other than our dog was around to hear me have to say it. Still, our gracious Lord tells us to come to Him with anything. So I took Him at His word. I told Him that I feel forgotten, that I wonder (to borrow from King David) "how long, O Lord!" will I have to wait, hurt, long, desire. I asked Him to speak to me. To say something, anything that would bring me comfort, let me know that He is still there, that I am not forgotten, that I am still His, that He is still working all things together for my good and His glory.
I would love to tell you that an Angel of the Lord appeared in our bedroom and began with, "Do not be afraid." But that did not happen.
Here is what did happen.
I took out my phone to do my daily Bible reading. Adam and I are in the process of reading through the Bible in a year, and we are currently in the Gospels. So I open my Bible app (YouVersion, which I highly recommend) and click to my reading plan. Today I find myself in Luke 12-13, so I start reading. Jesus is talking in these two chapters, so I see LOTS of red letters, which I love.
I make it to verse 6.
"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet NOT ONE of them is forgotten by God."
Heart starts to beat a little faster.
Continue to verse 7.
"Indeed, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth far more than sparrows."
Shaking my head and suppressing a smile because this is so like God. People always say that God speaks through His word. It is something that is easy to shake off and think, "Yeah. OK. Maybe for other people, but not me." Please let me tell you, right here and right now, that He absolutely does speak through His word.
Luke 12 goes on to talk about worrying (something I have a gold medal in when it comes to becoming a mother). Luke records the words of Christ:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Dear friends with troubled hearts, I hope these words of Christ lift you, encourage you, speak to you. This same Savior speaking here can speak to your heart and to mine. We would do well to remember that and to rest in the fact that we can always, ALWAYS lay our worries at His feet.
To the Lord of all there is, you are worth far more than sparrows.