It's hard to wait. Waiting is not something I am good at doing. My tendency is to move as quickly as possible to accomplish an objective. My mother would say that I am a "bottom-line person." And in several aspects of life, I think that is a good thing. As we look to the adoption process, however, it is not such a good thing. There is SO much waiting involved already, and we are not even on the WAITING list yet, a list whose sole purpose is to have us wait! AHHH!
And so, as I sit on my couch today, I hear the undeniably wise words of one of my high school small group leaders coming back to me and asking, "Well, Baylor, what is God teaching you through this?"
In answer, my mind easily jumps to patience, but I think it is more than that. God has used being a middle school teacher for several years to carve out some space for patience in my spirit. I think the real answer to that question is, "Trust." The more we get into this process and the more we deal with life outside this process, the more feel like God is asking me, "Do you trust Me?" I would love to immediately shout, "YES! I do trust you, Lord! From here to the end of the world, I am Your girl!" But do my actions really reflect that attitude? If I am honest, then I have to say, "Not always." And I don't like that.
I want to trust the Lord with it all, and I think that He is using our adoption and this whole season of our lives to show me that I can trust Him. With every little thing.
For around the last 15 years, my favorite Bible verse has been Philippians 3:8. It reads, "What is more, I consider everything a loss when compared to the surpassing greatness of Christ Jesus my Lord, for Whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ." I love this verse because it is who I want to be. I want to be the woman who can willingly give everything up for the sake of Christ and the spread of the Gospel. But does my daily life reflect this? Do my actions? My words? Not always.
So I am praying that God will build this up in me. That He will align my heart with His perfect plan. That He will fill my heart with such love for Him, that everything else pales in comparison. I am praying that I will trust Him and His perfect goodness over everything else.
I am home by myself today while Adam is at work, and I have spent some time in Psalm this morning. I began in chapter 27, which is a favorite of mine. It begins with David saying, "The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?" These are such encouraging words as they remind us that the Lord who created all that exists is also the Lord who saves and protects us. Since the One who made everything is protecting us, we have no reason to fear. Whatever comes our way is under His control, and He cannot be beaten, and His plans cannot be thwarted. I hope that is an encouragement to you as it is to me. Chapter 27 ends with, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." These are perfect words for me today, as I sit waiting. Waiting for our first home study interview on Friday, waiting for our homework to be done, waiting to be on the waiting list, and, more than anything, waiting to have our precious little one home with us forever.
And while all of this waiting is difficult, I know that my Savior is teaching me to trust in Him, because He is always only ever good and eternally worthy of praise.
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me. My hearts leaps for joy and with my song I praise Him." Psalm 28:7
P.S. This is the last week to order a t-shirt. Email me if you are interested!