As we continue to move forward in this adoption journey, I am starting to sense a change in my prayers over this process. Up until very recently, my prayers had been very much about the process itself. That it would go quickly, that we would trust God, that we would move a certain number of spots, that we would see our children's faces soon. But now that we are getting closer to the top of the list, and we face the reality that our children are very likely alive and living somewhere in Ethiopia, I am starting to feel the need to pray differently. And this need manifested itself at an unusual time over the weekend.
I spent some time crying on my run this past Saturday. Every time I run, I try to pray. Usually, I spend time thanking God for all He has done and is doing in my life and praying for my friends and family. One thing I always do is pray for our children and their birthmother. I pray that God will protect them, let them know they are loved and wanted. I pray that He will somehow give our birthmother a sense of peace, that somehow she will know that the children she brought into this world will always be loved and cared for, no matter what, that she will know that I honor her and that as I raise the children she carried into this world that I will teach them to do the same.
This past Saturday, I felt the need to spend extended time in prayer for our kids. And I ended up praying a prayer that I never thought I would have to pray, a prayer I do not want to have to pray. A prayer that left me in tears.
I prayed that my children would be able to eat that day, that someone would bathe them, change them, that someone would hold them and comfort them, that they would not be alone or afraid, that no one would hurt them, that they would somehow know that their mother was praying for them with all her heart.
And I was completely overwhelmed by this prayer I had to pray. It is not one that any woman should ever have to pray. But it is a prayer I am compelled to pray. A prayer I will continue to pray until my children are home.
As these changes continued to be prompted in my mind and in my heart, I am starting to realize that we are about to enter into a season where I will have to trust God even more fully. And, honestly, I did not really know that was possible. I thought for sure that there was nothing else I could be asked to surrender, nothing else at all.
But now this.
My children are out there somewhere. Up until now, all of this had a very "one day" feel to it. I wasn't sure if our kids had been born yet, but at this point, they most likely have. They are living and breathing and have needs. But I don't know if those needs are being met. And so I am having to trust God with the very lives of our children. I am having to trust Him that they will be fed, changed, bathed, comforted, everything. And I have no control over it. I can't even know IF it is happening.
I just have to believe.
And so we enter into this new phase of trust, of deepening faith, of belief that God is exactly who He says He is.
So if you have been praying for us, and I know SO many of you have, would you please pray for our children? Please pray that they are taken care of, that they feel safe and loved, that they know we are coming just as soon as we can.