There are days when anxiety is the main feeling running through my body. Today was one of those days. I know I shouldn't, but there are some days when I start to think about how far away our precious one is and how long it will be before we are all united as a family. And I get easily carried away into a dark forest of doubt and anxiety. It is not fun. Satan loves to play this game with me and get me going so that I lose my focus on the Lord and the awesome work He is doing in our lives. Instead, I focus on all the hard stuff about adopting and start complaining about how it is not fair that we have to wait and that parenthood--the thing I really want--is just passing us by, and so on.
But there is one good part about days like this one. I know, beyond the shadow of any doubt the devil can throw at me, that Adam and I are right smack in the middle of the path God laid out for us. And ultimately, our God wins. Satan loses. End of story. So, I am on the side of the One who conquers all. More than that, that same One, He loves me and loves our child, and He is going to bring us together at exactly the right moment. He is mighty to save, and He alone is the One who can save me from the devil's lies and attacks. So I am praying. We are both praying. Praying that the Lord would fill our hearts to the brim with His spirit and His peace, so much so that there is no room left for doubt.
This one is short, but for the sake of honesty and transparency, I wanted to write about today (and really, when I write like this, I am reminding myself of who God is just as much I am telling you who God is). I want you to know that trusting in God and in His perfect timing does not mean every day is full of roses and sunshine and bluebirds singing beautiful melodies around my head. I want you to know that there are days when I do feel scared or anxious or tired or alone or lost. I feel all of those things at times. And I think that is OK. I think it is OK because underneath all of that, I have the solid foundation of knowing Jesus Christ as my Lord and my Savior and, as a result, knowing that God is absolutely sovereign over every minute detail of my existence. So, yes, it is hard. Yes, there are days when I am fighting to hold back the tears virtually all day long. Yes, there are days when I feel like a deflated balloon (very impressive simile, right?). But in the middle of all of that, I know who God is. I know He is mighty to save. I know that He will not leave me. Ever.
"The Lord your God is with you; He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17